The New York Times bestselling look at the real reasons for male marital infidelity and what might prevent it

Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity. It can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment from which some relationships never recover. People who think it won't happen to them are hit that much harder when it does. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? What do men say they're getting from their mistresses that they're missing at home? Do a man's friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat?

In this New York Times bestselling book, experienced family counselor M. Gary Neuman shares the revealing and surprising findings of a cutting-edge research study in which he interviewed men across the country who have physically cheated on their wives. Neuman shares many shocking discoveries, including the prominent role of emotional dissatisfaction in motivating husbands who stray and how small a role sexual dissatisfaction plays.

• Based on a groundbreaking study of both cheating men and men who have remained faithful
• Reveals surprising findings on the contribution of sexual and emotional dissatisfaction to male infidelity
• Written by experienced family counselor M. Gary Neuman, coauthor of In Good Times and Bad and author of Emotional Infidelity
• Neuman and The Truth about Cheating were featured twice on The Oprah Winfrey Show

Drawing on dramatic case stories of the author's own work with clients, The Truth about Cheating includes proactive strategies and action steps for married women to help them prevent infidelity and create a faithful and rewarding marriage.

Book Description

Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity. It can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment from which some relationships never recover. People who think it won't happen to them are hit that much harder when it does. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? Can a wife single-handedly ensure that her husband won't stray? What do men say they're getting from their mistresses that they're missing at home? Do a man's friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat?

While there are books that have explored the feelings and experiences of wives whose husbands have been unfaithful, the question of why men cheat and whether it is because of sexual dissatisfaction, emotional dissatisfaction, or something else has remained largely unexamined. At last, The Truth About Cheating presents many fascinating and provocative answers. In this book, experienced family counselor Gary Neuman shares the revealing and surprising findings of a cutting-edge research study in which he interviewed and studied close to 100 men from 48 states who have physically cheated on their wives. In this book, Neuman shares many shocking discoveries, including the prominent role of emotional dissatisfaction in motivating husbands who stray and how small a role sexual dissatisfaction plays.

Drawing on dramatic case stories of the author's own work with clients, The Truth About Cheating includes proactive strategies and action steps for married women that will help them prevent infidelity, and create a faithful and rewarding marriage.

ISBN13: 9780470502136
Condition: New
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The look in the mirror that I desperately needed (4.0)

I can understand why some feel that this is a one sided book, but honestly women need to hear how men think. We spend so much time yelling at men asking them to talk and telling them what we think and how they should think...that we don't realize how close minded we truly are. My husband cheated on me emotionally and ultimately physcially throughout my marriage. It finally took him yelling at me to realize what role I had in it. I wanted to punish him for hurting me so bad that I denied him love, I made him feel like I didn't like him, and just pushed him away physically and emotionally. Everything this book said don't do...I DID! If your husband never hears appreciation at home, it's natural to gravitate to someone who's willing to give it.

My husband and I are slowly trying to put back the pieces of our marriage but this time I know that this isn't a journey he has to make alone. I have some work to do if I want to make this work. This book has been extremely helpful in identify and providing suggestions for what to do.

Hit the nail on the head! (5.0)

As a man who has cheated on his wife I must say this book gives a lot of insight as to why a man will cheat. I am not proud of what I've done and felt guilt over it even as it was going on. I trully wanted a wonderful relationship with my wife but she just never would listen to my requests for what I needed in our relationship. It's fool's gold to have an affair because in the new exciting relationship you have all your needs being met but not from the person you really desire them from. You lie to the person your in the affair with because you have no true desire for anything more then having your needs met. You lie to your wife cause your betraying your vows behind her back and no longer turn to her for love. Worst of all you lie to yourself saying it won't really matter but you give up your own character to become a liar, a theft, a cheat, and in the end you burn yourself for a few moments of fun. It's much better to just file for divorce upfront. This book points out these many truths that at the begining a man has an emotional need for love. A love women are not concerning themselves with and their husbands are seeking that love some where else. A must read for woman married, thinking of marriage, or ending a marriage.

Who's fault is it? (4.0)

The author begins this book by insisting that cheating is not the woman's fault, but then addresses solely women for the next 200 pages. Ok, so, this is the book's audience, but Neuman really alienates his audience with the constant admonishments about what women do and how women drive men to cheat. The book spends very little time in addressing the man, his thought processes, his decision-making skills (or lack of), and his viewpoints in doing the dirty deed, and, instead, focuses on the woman. Don't get me wrong, I have nary a doubt that Neuman knows exactly what he's talking about. He details interviews with dozens (out of hundreds) of cheaters and non-cheaters, but more attention could have been paid to the male side of things when talking about cheating. That being said, women will indeed get something out of this book. First and foremost, it is likely that those in good marriages will up their appreciation factor towards their spouse. Things like expressing appreciation, affection, and sexual attractiveness are talked about, and Neuman tells women how to put these into play and how to apply these behaviors to keep their man around. There's value in that, and he is very clear.

Those who wonder if they're paying their spouse enough attention will want to pick this one up. On the other hand, if cheating is suspected, Neuman also addresses telltale signs and ways to find out. Overall, this is a useful, if somewhat insulting, book.

Reviewed by Allena Tapia

Helpful even for faithful marriages. (5.0)

This book is very insightful. It has some good explanations about how people feel in a marriage and what they may be lacking. Some of it on the idea of Mars/Venus books. Very good book.

Pastoral Perspective (5.0)

Many of those that don't like this book seem to misunderstand it's purpose. It is not designed to make women a doormat, or make an absolute guarantee that your husband won't cheat. It's not designed even to fix your marriage. It's really designed to dispel two very powerful myths -- First that cheating is all about sex, and second that it is totally unpreventable. While these things are in fact true in some cases -- some men cheat primarily for sex, and some men cheat regardless of anything the wife does, they are not the NORMAL case. And this is something that when women find out can be liberating and empowering. Instead of trying to look younger, and be more exotic in bed, this book suggests that men are people too -- they have emotional needs which they often don't know how to ask to be fulfilled. IF these are areas where you marriage is weak, and you start to strengthen them, it will make a real difference. The warning signs and steps provided by the author are both practical and insightful as long as you keep that in mind.

I picked this book up because I wanted to explore further the actual psychology of marriage. What is it that helps a man to bond, and how does that relate to sex? As a pastor, I can say that there are many different patterns in marital dysfunction. Some are more the husband's fault, and some are more the wife's fault, but almost all involve both people. This book help deal with one rarely discussed yet fairly prevalent pattern of the man who can "do nothing right." Both men and women need to learn to be encouraging to their partners, but we don't often talk about this as it relates to the woman's role.

None of this excuses cheaters. A good man looks for help long before he looks for another woman. But this books helps put the finger on what underlying dynamics might be pushing in the wrong direction.